I’m claustrophobic. It’s not that I just get uncomfortable in tight spaces – my breathing gets heavy, the mind turns foggy and I start to panic. The world quickly blends out and all that is left is a dark abyss of fear. If you ever had a panic attack I’m sure you know what I’m talking about.
![Cango Caves Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-1.jpg)
![Cango Caves Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-2.jpg)
![Cango Caves Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-3.jpg)
![Cango Caves Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-4.jpg)
It’s a condition I inherited from my mom, and I entirely blame her for it (sorry mom). Recently they found out that your lifestyle can affect the gene activity of your future children – it’s called epigenetics. One of the things that gets passed on the most are phobias. So I guess that my grand-grand-grand-grandfather was once trapped under a pile of rubble while trying to escape a pack of wolves, and because of that I now can’t sleep in a bunk bed. It also means that I am probably going to pass on this spiral of irrational fear to my unfortunate offspring. If that is not a good reason to get rid your phobias, I don’t know what is.
![Nikki at Cango Caves Nikki at Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-6.jpg)
![Cango Caves Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-10.jpg)
![Cango Caves Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-11.jpg)
![Cango Caves Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-12.jpg)
![Cango Caves Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-13.jpg)
![Nikki at Cango Caves Nikki at Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-8.jpg)
So we decided to do some “adventure” caving in the Cango caves in Africa. It was only slightly more expensive than the non-adventure version and it seemed like a good opportunity for me to face some of those demons. We started off in a huge and very impressive limestone chamber – high ceilings, relatively fresh air – all good! From there on the chambers got progressively smaller, but I was still doing fine. Maybe a bit uncomfortable, but very manageable. And then we reached the "Lovers tunnel" - an approximately 10 meters long passageway that you have to squeeze through sideways. That’s when I had my first moment. Heavy breathing, confusion. Nikki was right behind me and she noticed what was happening. But the exit was not too far and I managed to get into the next chamber before the wave of fear became really threatening.
![Cango Caves Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-14.jpg)
![Nikki Cango Caves Nikki Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-15.jpg)
![Nikki Cango Caves Nikki Cango Caves](/content/images/2014/May/cango-17.jpg)
From here on out the space was getting progressively tighter and the ceiling was usually not higher than a meter. It was not a place I wanted to be, but I was still confident that I can ride it out.
And then came the "Devil’s chimney" – a vertical chimney of approximately 5 meters height that you have to twist around in order to fit through. I believe the most narrow spot was 27cm. The tour leader picked me to go first, I must had struck him as the outdoorsy confident type. What a lack of judgment. I crawled up and had look at the way ahead – I couldn’t see where it was going, just unbelievably tight and dark space deep under the earth. I was terrified. I started to crawl but didn’t get far. Panic. I couldn’t bend my knees, couldn’t breathe, total lockdown.
The guide thought I was just stuck so he was trying to tell me where to search for hand and foot holds but I wasn’t listening. I started my routine again – close your mouth, breathe through your nose, concentrate on the next step, keep the mind busy. It probably didn’t take me more than a couple of minutes to get out but I was drenched in sweat. Irrational or not, I’m not doing that again.
Sorry future kids, I’ll leave some money aside for counselling.